Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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