the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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