I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
