Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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