All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
