beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
