I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
