All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
