I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
