You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
