listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
