Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
