I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
