Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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