I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
