i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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