What a fucking waste of an outfit
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
