I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I AM VODKA MAN
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
