I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
