OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
