You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
