Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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