so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
