I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
