When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
