Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
