i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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