Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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