So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
