I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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