Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
