Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
