my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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