I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
