Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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