I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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