ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
