We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
