i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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