It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
