come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
