Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
