I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
