Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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