Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
