I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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