She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who died my cat blue again?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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