He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
