You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
