In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
