So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
