when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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