Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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