u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
