Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
